Carry the Cloth...

It is difficult; this life. When screws unthread, you will surely go in search of a driver to thread it back. If the search is in vain and constantly so, you will start giving up. Rather you will start accepting the insanity. From then on whatever that seem to affect will still remain, but unnoticed. It is a strange state of mind. You cannot explain it to anyone; as a matter of fact you don’t feel a need to do so. You see, it doesn’t matter. Now then, when it doesn’t matter, why is it so difficult; this life.

“Ahh, dude please! Why are you so bugged up about life and its screws? Let go man. Chill”

That’s the problem my friend. The after effects of “Let Go” are not as rosy as it looks upfront, my dear.

“Cut the crap!”

It is not easy. In the quest of finding a suitable driver, you start fiddling with the screw. It is not smooth work from that point onwards. You know better, what you are going through.

“Help me understand”

It’s a beautiful Sunday morning. It seems to be so atleast. You have the full day in front of you to do absolutely nothing.

“It is meant to do nothing.”

You are not positive on certain things, but still majorly happy. You know you can rest the weight on your shoulders down. 

“Hello Mr, take a gun, Point and shoot! Why do you slowly poison me out of this world?”

See that’s the problem, even your inner self is so perturbed, that it wants to jump into solutions. It is not in a position to comprehend the situation. In this scenario, on a beautiful Sunday morning, when there is so much to do and nothing being done, you take up the pain to search for a suitable driver again to thread your screws back to position. Well the whole scene at this point starts to lose colour, things start moving slowly, some in the opposite direction and before you get a hold of the situation, you start reflecting back.

“Ya right! This is not the first time you have given me that hopeless stare. It is highly discouraging.”

You are well aware of this. The world outside pounces on you with questions, and you start searching inside for an answer. The search though will never stop; always on the look-out from within. And when you do that carrying a depressing portrait smile…

“…….I know this better”

You always end up finding a mirror where you see yourself with the portrait smile cutting down and wherever you are at that point, you will feel nothing but silence.

“So, what’s your point?! Driver found yet?”

In that silence you bask. You have your mind filled with rising thoughts like the evening high tides on a full moon day. You are not the creator. You cannot cut down on this rising tide, within. You cannot control it either. It comes. It keeps coming. 

“……..Ok, so run!”

That’s when you decide to “Let Go”. You know you cannot remain unnoticed. You cannot fool yourself as well; the mirror snaps you back whenever you try to do so. So you decide to remain unaffected.

“Smart Ass!”

You stop searching for the driver. You are Ok with the unthread screws, loosely holding on. You celebrate insanity. You imbibe in yourself the quality of being lazy; just because you remain unaffected. And then you turn yourself into an artist. Sitting at one place you begin to add colour to the portrait in front of you.

“I am so fed up of your god-damn make-up on me. I suggest you attend a crash course”

The rising tides are assumed to die down on you. The things start moving at normal pace. You start enjoying sitting idle. You start becoming happy. You start jumping with ecstasy. The fallacy in the life starts showing slowly. It doesn’t take much time before you realize that…

“… You might be creative, but not real. Now rub my make-up off”

You are only fooling yourself to be happy. At this point, what do you do?

“Rub my make-up off, it’s pathetic!”

With the acceptance of insanity, you have surely have not bumped into a driver yet. It’s not a beautiful Sunday morning anymore. Time has passed carrying with it lot of fodder for thought. You can’t sit quiet. You want to continue your search though. But you don’t know what to search for; an inspiration may be.

“…don’t make me feel more pathetic, rub my make-up off! You idiot!”

You become restless, but with a hope. You try reading books; you look up to people around you closely. You take in what is easy for you to follow and you finally get onto your draw board to sketch a plan.

“…hey artist, don’t fool yourself again. Rub my make-up off first!”

But not too far into your creative stride, you realize the repercussions of being a fallacious artist.

“……for one last time this time (like every time). Rub my make-up off!”

And when the shout from within becomes prominent…

“……oh, Thank God! If there is one! Cut your bloody cribbing! And rub my make-up off!”

You try to respond to it. It is not clear. The cosmetic is a large obstruction to a clear view of the person inside. You then slowly take the cloth out and try to rub the powder off from the mirror.

“…..now you are talking! Not a trace of the powder is to be left. I don’t mind if you make me go nude! I want to get rid-off this colourful shit!”

And after all the clean-up, it’s the mirror again! And you see yourself in it.

“…..Ahh Feels Fresh!”

Although it is still carrying a depressing, cut down portrait smile; there is clarity in the picture. You then are curious to know more about the person. It is definitely encouraging to understand the person inside. You will realize that it is not the inner self that is perturbed but it is you. And you become more curious on who this person really is.

“……for one last time this time (like every time) I am ‘You’ and I am the driver you are looking for!”

That understanding, only you can get. You will find no driver from outside which helps you do that; how much ever you search. The onus is on you. You need to carry the cloth to rub the powder, always.

“…it is good that your screws are loose. I am jobless otherwise!”