Coming in from the cold!

Last one month has been quite something. To see myself travelling so wildly and becoming totally apprehensive about it the next moment. It was not too long ago that I had enjoyed travelling on the roof of a merely stable jeep inside the forests of the Malai Mahadeshwara Wildlife Sanctuary. And just yesterday, I was barely able to sit inside a AC car on quite a smooth National Highway NH275 enroute Mysuru. Well, things have surely changed. I do not want to draw my thoughts too much to the line. Let me still maintain the status quo and share here what I have learnt out of these three weeks. I don’t know whether it is good or bad, but it surely is turning out to be positive. 

First and foremost, health should always get the top priority. This I have learnt to pin it up the list and understand that the rest is secondary. I am sure my parents, my brother and a few friends of mine will be really happy reading this. Health is really important. I now carry a spinal ache, quite struggling to move around freely like before and a temporary stop to all the wild travelling. May be a complete stop to the wildness in it. I have had my share, a brilliant one. Although I miss the road heavily now I am able to put things into perspective. I could be more wise now, I feel.  

Nearly three weeks of doing nothing and going through a receding pain but increasing concerns, I had a clear kick back into the reality. Bob Marley and Leonard Cohen made even more sense. Friends enjoyed their vacations, family got back to the routine, and I shifted to the cot and got adjusted to having food on the table. Didn’t miss a dinner with family. I realized how cool it is to get together for food at the end of a long tiring day to share with each other the successes and the issues of the day. I had a better laugh with my brother and it was only getting better. My dad became my best friend. And the regular phone calls from my mother kept me cautious about how I conducted myself in this period of rest. Well, I was diagnosed for an Inguinal Hernia and went through a Meshplasty Surgery on the right. It is a fairly simple surgery but it just got a bit complex considering my epileptic condition. But, all is well that ends well.

                                   

Some of my commitments have clearly taken a back seat with this for now. Not that the work cannot be done, it is just that my responses are not timely. It is more of a sluggish lifestyle, dragging my leg into things. My bike having survived quite a few accidents along with me, feels lonely now. The Yamaha engine, I am sure will stay good when I spark it again in other 5 month’s time. Well, the concerns are flowing around everywhere. People don’t want me to bend, they don’t allow me to lift weights making me only a spectator of things, as I patiently wait for the tissues to re-grow and the mesh to adjust. Nature is amazing. You mess with it and you will have it.

All the possible good work done while my body went through a physical and a mental nightmare, hasn’t really turned out to be positive now for myself. Contentment was one thing which was difficult for me to find and still is, but looking back at the time spent last few years, I see a few situations which could have been handled better. Nevertheless, according to me, in life everything is a situation and life is all about negotiating through them. You will be a happier soul if you negotiate well. Not everything will be our own making. So it is important to quickly learn to deal with things which aren’t in our control.

One very important thing I learnt in this period was, what it means to share one’s love and shower one’s concern for another person. Both love and concern doesn’t reside in one’s expression of it, necessarily. In most of the cases where it does, it would need a recheck. My brother, my parents and a few friends exemplified this fact. Nothing can buy that. I have decided to take care of my health at least to not put these wonderful people into one such trauma again. I could handle the physical pain, it was nothing. I have now put my papers down at work. I just cannot afford to travel with these people praying all sorts of Gods till I return safe. As a first, I got a positive feedback for a decision to do nothing but rest.

There is a tectonic shift in the way I understand situations now. I cannot fool myself for a thing which puts me to unrest and still believe that it will all be fine. It won’t, unless you get your ass on fire for it. If nothing disturbs you in your life, nothing at all, then there is a very big problem. There are quite a few issues now that puts me to a state of unrest. I guess I am no different, most of us go through this. I am just spitting out things now. It doesn’t help me remain calm inside but for now it is proving to be an excellent motivator.

As I rest, I prepare. I prepare to control my anger. I prepare to start off on a new adventure.

I prepare to start a new life.